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Sunday, September 11, 2005
Weeks have passed and I start to see the meaningless of working without a goal or an aim. I finally realized why people used to dislike me for not having a dream that I wish to pursue. What is wrong, I asked the world? Why must I live the way the world asked me? More often than not I can't agree with a lot of the things the world does, but hey, all I can smile and say no thanks. They say if you cant beat them, join them? I dun wish to. I like the world I create, I like to live in the world I create. I am not feeling particuarly upset now, just dunoe why I suddenly feel like writing all these out now. Wind blowing strongly at me from outside the window, music playing, nice feeling, unbelievable story....

This is a story of a young man who was on the streets, aimless. He seems to have everything he always wanted in life. A job, a wife, a pretty one that everyone envys. But something was missing in his life. He sat down at the pier, looking and staring into the open blank sea. Suddenly his phone rang, a familiar voice said, "how are you? is it ok we meet up? I need someone to talk to." The man paused, gathering all his strengths he answered with a weak yes. He was thorn between responsibilty and his heart. He wanted to go, but he can't. But his heart did win in the end. He felt weak whenever he hears her voice.

At the coffee house, she signaled to him, and he went down and sat beside her. The familiar smile wasn't on her face, and the concerned guy immediately asked, "you sound troubled just now, anything wrong? Anyway I can help?" The gal forced a smile and said, "nothing wrong, I just needed company, your company." The guy did not want to probe. For he knew when they say grief is halfed when shared is wrong. No matter how many times you tell someone whats bothering you, the thing doesn't go away. It sometimes deepens your wound more. They talked bout childhood, the happy times they shared at the playground. Happy times just passes you by so quickly sometimes without you realising. Ten years later, sitting at the coffe house were two adults. Two close friends, so close, yet so far. After two hours, they left the place, the guy sending her home. She asked, "Is it really ok? She must be waiting at home." The guy shook his head, and said its ok. They walked down the alley, the familiar alley that he used to send her home after late nights movies.

The guy finally asked when they reached the gate, "Is it becoz of him?" The gal shook her head. "Dun be silly. Dun worry bout me. Worry more bout yourself. I just need company," She said again, as if to reassure they guy or to reinforce her lie. The guy nodded, not saying much except good night and take care.

On his way back, he knew he was right. It was about him, it gotta be about him. Its so late at night, but he was still not back. Why cant he appreciate who he has at home? He thought about how he used to like the gal he just met, but never had the courage to say. How the gamble on a great friendship would never be worth it for a relationship, that may not last. The problem and only word that bothered this guy till todae was the word maybe. He hated himself for backing out on the unknown. To let another guy come in between them and taking away a person he loved, or love. Just because of "if" or "maybe", it hurts him now till whenever she is not happy. Silly, he says to himself. A silly guy, leading a silly life.

He soon reached home and he stared at his own door. He entered his own house and he knew she was not back yet. He lay on the bed thinking what a big fool he was, trying to figure out how more "fortunate" he was when he decided to take the different path. Till todae he still dunoe what he won. A pretty and sweet wife most would say. But to him, it was an empty house. An empty house...

A crazy story conjured, the wind has stopped. Time to go bathed and have dinner. Haha what a life.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Went to Chimes to hve dinner, treated by my big boss, ate a lot, drank a lot. It was quite a fun occasion, laughing all the way. Though some parts through the dinner, there are times where you really have to hold back and not be too overboard, it was really still pretty fun. Having meals with your boss aint as relaxed as your good friends, but surprisingly it was still well, quite good. Haha perhaps except the part where he keep pushing you to drink and you couldn't say no. The wait to the dinner was extremely horrible as we were stuck in the traffic and we took 1 hour to reach there from tampinese. We could have reach boon lay in that time.

I am more a less settled down in my work and real glad its a nice place to work afterall. Even when I was told by a friend that he got a lobang at Credit Suisse perm job, i wasn't really that keen and I dind't jump at that opportunity. No doubt pay and prospect weights alot in a job, to me, happinese is all important. No point you earn big bucks and you don't have a life to spend it. Being happy in your work and having nice colleagues and bosses are very important as you will be seeing them more every day than your family and galfriend. No doubt mine is just on contract, I am happy.

Also though I know my Xiao Hui cant see this blog, I still wana say I miss her a lot this few days as I didnt have time to even go online and say hi to her. Writing this down here will let me remember on this day, I did miss her alot alot....
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