go back
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Its how funny God can play a trick on you. We said that we would break up on the 30th movie, and we did on the 29th one. My boss had a dream that my shoes do not fit and I break up, it happened. When my relationship is down, my career seems to be up when it no longer matter.
As I look through old mails and write this blog, all the songs I never want to hear is playing on the radio. It seems the tears from my eyes were destined to roll down my face.

I know time cannot be turned back. And I know nothing can ever bring back lost love. I thought I can take this easily, but it appears its not so easy. Like she say, may both of us find happiness. I believe in that and I will see that it happens. Life ought to be happy. Life ought to be good.

Let me call you dear one last time.
Dear I know no one is at fault. Love means you never have to be sorry. But dear, I m still sorry I cannot keep to my promises.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Never thought things will end this way, though I knew there exist a problem.
Alway told myself its just another storm in the tea cup, and it will just go away.
But I cant keep on bluffing myself, for the hurt will increase every other dae.
Now thats its over, life goes on for us.
I need to find myself back, need to know what I want in life,
everything including love.
Todae might be another dae where I start afresh.
Not that I am over it, I am in fact, feeling down even though I expect it.

Thank you for everything you have done for me, standing by my side always.
Take care.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Most of the time you dun miss something till its gone. Thats exactly why the government send you on reservist trips every now and then to make you appreciate the small things in life. Take away the tough physic requirements of the training, alot of things in camp just aint that great. For example, no leisure activities at night even though you may have finished all trainings in the day. So whats left (thank goodness the previous unit left behind a pack of cards), is just 6 of us rotating to play cards. Or 1 person play PSP and 3 of us watch. Its more like old folks home where one do and the rest watch. Sometimes we are so bored we sit around the table and just talk. Worse, we stare into air blankly. At times like this, the most boring TV programme or newspapers can light up your life. I grab whatever time I can to watch channel news asia during meal time, all of us grab a newspaper expired 3 days ago. The toilet still sucks. Life is almost to the brink and what a stupid "holidae resort" package have we signed ourselves into.
Good thing is after training you are so tired, you sleep whenever you have the chance to, for waking up at 5 or 6 isnt my cup of tea anymore. Even for work I wake up at 645. Good thing there again is I have my meals on time, and I have ample time while waiting to think about what I want in life and my job. In army you rush to wait, wait to rush. Programs never start on time, yet you alway have to rush to reach there first, and then you wait, and wait, and wait....
Another thing is at least I knock off there earlier then at work, and virtually I did not use my brains during the 5 days. Alway follow instruction no matter how stupid it seems in army, for thinking and realise that the instruction was stupid will make you want to vomit blood. In army, ignorance is bliss, a famous line I used to quote, which I forgot in the later part of my life. Then again, alway act blur and take cover, never be a volunteer.
For 1 and a half year in Citi, process inprovement has become a part of me. In this one week, I see so many things that I can improve in army. All the process we do can be less tiring and more efficient, but I know that its pointless to voice out. Army is army, things never change unless you have crabs on your shoulders. sO life goes on, and it will probably remain the same next in camp this Oct. Till then, my lifes goes on....
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Caught a movie during the weekend before I enter the world of lost civilization. Going on a week of army training.

The movie "Music and lyrics" is really a nice and funny romantic comedy. Its full of catchy songs and it seemed just the thing that I have missed for a while. Its been pretty long since I catch a movie like this, especially with Xiao Hui and the feeling was nice and sweet. The feeling of finding the simple things in life to remind you what you are fighting for, searching for when you are lost. Also wana thank Jings and my buddy for encouraging me on to FIGHT in work! AHah

Been trying to get the song to play here but cant find any links.
Anyway below are the lyrics to the song, "way back into love".

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Nowadaes, motivation to go to work is waning and sometimes I have to pull myself out of bed. Even if I had my breakfast, I would choose to go back to lie on the bed. Not that I have been sleeping later, I just don't want to get on the journey to work. Back to home, the 1 hour MRT ride back home is getting longer, so long that when I reach Jurong east, I get so agitated. The last 3 stops is so hard to bear... So much so I choose to sleep everytime I get on the train when I go to work everydae. If only I can sleep as well on my way back.

What has driven me to this state, I seriously do not know. I may be underpaid, but what help can I bring to salvage the situation except giving my resignation letter. My boss is so temperamental, but she is not that bad sometimes when she is in a good mood. My colleagues are nice, but how long will they stay here? My job is comfortable and brainless, but will I fall to sleep working one day? You look everywhere, and everywhere is offering better pay, nice job scope, challeging future. Greener grass on the other side is everywhere. But is it really that green? Challenging equals stress. Higher pay equal longer hours? My friend say higher pay goes to compensate your health. So is it all worth it? If I move, will I get terrible back stabbing colleagues? Not that I do not have now, hahaha. Will I get a even more terrible boss who do not appreciate me at all. I confess I am afraid to move, to try. I am too comfortable, I have lost the ability to survive out there, so much so I am angry with myself, to lose the will to try and fight at such a young age into my career.

To stay this way for the rest of my life, I may be able to do it. But do I want it? Or rather can I change my life? Or should I. I am confuse, I am angry. I am a kite, lost in the sky. If I am let loose, I lose my direction. If I am held tight, I might break one day. Life is not easy I know, for life is no picnic. It can be a stroll in the park, it can be a exciting trek in the jungle. Its just a matter of choice. No risk no gain, everything comes at a price. It just happen to be what you want in the end, or rather what you want now. I will take time to think what I really want. For those at the crossroads, take heed to stop where you are and think for a while. But don't fret bout your decision. Though in life you cant turn back, you can always take a slightly longer road to reach where you want to go.
To all, pursue what you want, pursue your dreams.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Liverpool lost a match they should have won yesterday. With no respect to the opponents, Man U was on the back foot for at least 80 pct of the game, and my team had so many chance to finish the game. But luck was not on my side, but on O Shea's side. Somehow I got a feeling Man Utd was going to nick in in the end, that it was all part of Furgie's plan. You could blame on Liverpool's inability to finish when they needed to, but I thought a draw would be a more fair result. But thats a game of football, where the result does not tell you the game. Just like life. Well in life, misfortunes struck you when you are least aware.

Well my dear Xiao Hui is back from Japan, really missed her when she's not around. Since she came back, she made me smile on a very bad day with a joke bout Tank and Cao Ge. Haha So this Tank's song is dedicated to her, 我的专属天使
© 2004/2007 qian. all rights reserved.