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Sunday, July 30, 2006
Its getting late at night, but I am still wide awake. Alot of things I do not understand and I cant just sort out my thoughts. What do I want? I dun know... Anytway I guess its best not to think and let things take its course for a while. I cant be happy being bothered by so much.

While every girl may look forward to wearing a glass shoe just like the fairy tale in the wedding, what can I look forward to? King Arthur's sword in the modern world cant do me any good. What can of fairy tale life can I lead? Life is never like a fairy tale, and it will never go according to what you plan. It seems I can never be satisfied with my life. Even when things may be going smooth. I alay tell others to be satisfied with what they have to appreciate what or who they have. Not that I don't, its just that even that I treasure with what I have, I cant be happy. It seems as though its not what I want.

But when I look at the other road, where it MAY bring me more happiness, I shrug with doubt. Can I lead that life? Do I really want it? I do not take a further step, so I turn back to my present life. A present life I dont dread, but nothing fanstatic to shout about. A life full of excitement will really tired me out I guess, but I guess a little won't hurt right? I don't take risk with what I consider precious. When the stakes are too high, I back out of the gamble. I consider my life now a bed of roses. I practically think I have everything that everyone ought to have. I try to convince others I am leading a ok life, but the fact is sometimes I cant even convince myself. Ironic, life that is.
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